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Old 03-05-2011, 05:40 PM   #4
twillight
10 GOSUB Abandonia
20 GOTO 10
 
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Var, Hungary
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Keep an eye for:
- number of syllables
- rhymes
- stick to the tematic. In this case we could've say 1st section is gone love, 2nd is new love, but this order soon collapses.
- in the 3rd section why you use "they"?

The rythm seems in order though.


And a creative advice: many people fail with trying to write "love-love-love" poems. It's not an imminent failure to write a love poem (even if "love" as word is always used in them), but at least try other themes.
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