[Expack2]

>look at girl

"A young girl, at least 8 or 9 years old, stands watch next to the old man, who is still sleeping. She is, oddly enough, dressed in safari garb. Her body shows evidence of fighting, but against what is unclear thanks to the weird scars on her body."

>examine scars on girl

"Excuse me, stupid, but how can you do that WHEN YOU'RE TIED UP?!"

>examine scars on girl

"Can't you read? You're tied up - literally!! How can you look at something which you can't see clearly if you can't move closer to it?!"

>put on magnifying glasses

"Oh, now THAT'S rich. Har-har-har! It's so funny, I might as well kill you right now as part of some sadistic joke.

Seriously, though, I will send He Who Is Epic to kill you if you don't shut up and stop asking the impossible."

>kill narrator

"WTF!? Are you serious?"

>yes

"...

You may consider yourself dead now. Why, you may ask? Because I hath summoned He Who Is Epic. If you don't know who HE is, suffice to say you will know in a rather painful way very soon - unless, of course, you should get REALLY lucky and convince him you're not insane. (Good luck with THAT, Captain Lard.)"

Inventory:
A hairdryer with a power-cord
A brass lock
A Master Ball
Atheism
A magazine of young women in bathing suits
Death warrant