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21-06-2004, 10:22 PM
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#1 | ||
   Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Norwich, England
Posts: 1,325
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Jokes
This is a thread where we can share jokes we heard, I'll start it off:
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are put in solitary confinement by a judge, but he says they can each take one thing in with them. The Scotsman takes his wife (the judge had to agree), the Englishman took his phone and the Irishman got out his calculator, worked something out and took 3,000 cartons of cigarettes. After the 10 years were up the Scotsman came out with his wife and 12 children they had had, the Englishman announced he was now a millionaire through a business he had started over the phone, the Irishman came out and asked, "Anyone got a light?". |
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22-06-2004, 10:07 PM
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lol...heard that one befor though...How 'bout a classic Bush Joke
Laura and President Bush were on a plane going to Florida. Out of the sudden, President Bush said "How about I throw out one $100 bill, and make one person happy?" Laura replied "Or you could throw out two $50 bills and make two people happy." After some speculations and a overuse a calculator Bush says "How 'bout throwing out 5 $20 bills and make 5 people happy. Now the Pilot turns around, frustrated because of their ignorance and says "Why don't you both jump off the plane and make the whole world happy?" |
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23-06-2004, 12:55 AM
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#3 | ||
 Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Mullsjö, Sweden
Posts: 1,602
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[quote]lol...heard that one befor though...How 'bout a classic Bush Joke
Laura and President Bush were on a plane going to Florida. Out of the sudden, President Bush said "How about I throw out one $100 bill, and make one person happy?" Laura replied "Or you could throw out two $50 bills and make two people happy." After some speculations and a overuse a calculator Bush says "How 'bout throwing out 5 $20 bills and make 5 people happy. Now the Pilot turns around, frustrated because of their ignorance and says "Why don't you both jump off the plane and make the whole world happy?" LMAO... good one!
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Meh.... |
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23-06-2004, 05:39 AM
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#4 | ||
  Join Date: May 2004
Location: Orlando, United States
Posts: 4,787
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You have probably heard this one before, but... :wink:
President Bush was sitting in the doctor's chair, while the doctor was examining his read-outs and X-ray scans... After looking at them for what seemed to Bush to be an eternity, the doctor finally turns around and started talking to him. "Now Mister President. I have examined your results carefully, and I am afraid I have some bad news for you... It seems there is nothing left in your right brain-half, and nothing right in your left..."
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ViGERP AKA what I have been working on these last couple of years... |
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23-06-2004, 05:50 AM
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#5 | ||
   Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: ,
Posts: 58
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LOL... how about this one?
Doctor : i'm afraid i got a bad news and a much worse one for you sir.. Patient : might as well start with the bad one Doctor : you only have 24 hours left to live Patient : Godness!! what can be more worse than that? Doctor : we've been trying to call you since yesterday.. |
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23-06-2004, 04:50 PM
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#6 | ||
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Norwich, England
Posts: 1,325
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A man with a meat and potato pie on his head walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why have you got a meat and potato pie on your head?".
The man replies, "It's a Wednesday, I always wear a meat and potato pie on my head on Wednesdays." "But it's not Wednesday, its Tuesday today." says the barman. "Oh, no!" cries the man, "I must look like a right idiot!" |
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25-06-2004, 06:14 PM
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#7 | ||
 Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: ,
Posts: 8
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khhhhhhhh........hhh.....
 Haso's wife just had a baby and went to the hospital to visit them. And the nurse tells him there was a terrible mixup: 'We don't know wich of these babyes is yours, one is chinese, but for the other two we are not sure, it could be yours or it could be Herzegovian, could you try to identify them, fathers often have a sixt sence for this'. And so Haso looks at the babbies and picks the chinese, end the nurse askes him: 'Are you sure???', 'No, but at least I'm sure it's not Herzegovian!'.
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Cosmo Kramer: You know you're not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist. Jerry Seinfeld: I think you're thinking of 'You're not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery'. Cosmo Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength. |
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25-06-2004, 06:22 PM
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#8 | ||
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: ,
Posts: 8
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Here's a couple of morbid jokes:
Mummy, mummy, what's for dinner? Shut up and get back into the microwave! Mummy, mummy, but I don't want to see grandpa... Shut up and keep digging! Mummy, mummy, but I don't like grandma... Well don't eat it then. Mummy, mummy, but I don't want to go to England! Shut up and keep swimming Mummy, mummy, when are we going to kill grandpa? Don't be foolis son, we already heve half of grandma in the freezer... Mummy, mummy, why is daddy running around??? Shut up and help me load the gun... Mummy, mummy, why can't I play with the other kids? Shut up or I'll rip your other leg too!!!
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Cosmo Kramer: You know you're not supposed to brush your teeth for 24 hours before you go to the dentist. Jerry Seinfeld: I think you're thinking of 'You're not supposed to eat 24 hours before surgery'. Cosmo Kramer: Oh, you gotta eat before surgery. You need your strength. |
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25-06-2004, 07:47 PM
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#9 | ||
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Norwich, England
Posts: 1,325
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Little Jimmy threw his sister is the well one day. His mother was very angry, "We'll have to buy a filter now!" she said.
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30-06-2004, 06:15 AM
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#10 | ||
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: ,
Posts: 58
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a new one
A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the a$$istant, as you would, "How much is Barbie?" "Well," she says, "we have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00." "Hey, hang on," the guy asks, "why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?" "Yeah, well, it's like this....Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..." |
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