Nobody seems to think my geek humor is funny.

Therefore, I challenge you:

Make me laugh. :D

Only programming or related geek humor allowed. There's already a thread for normal jokes in 3X Blah, but they are lame jokes, and for non-geeks. This is for the real funny stuff. ;)

A physicist and a mathematician are in the faculty lounge having a cup of
coffee when, for no apparent reason, the coffee machine bursts into
flames. The physicist rushes over to the wall, grabs a fire extinguisher,
and fights the fire successfully.
The same time next week, the same pair are there drinking coffee and
talking shop when the new coffee machine goes on fire. The mathematician
stands up, fetches the fire extinguisher, and hands it to the physicist,
thereby reducing the problem to one already solved.

*snicker* ;)

How to program in "C:"

1] Use lots of global variables.
2] Give them cryptic names such as: X27, a_gcl, or Horace.
3] Put everything in one large .h file.
4] Implement the entire project at once.
5] Use macros and #defines to emulate Pascal.
6] Assume the compiler takes care of all the little details you didn't
quite understand.

"It's 5:50 a.m., Do you know where your stack pointer is?"

How to debug a "C" program:

1] If at all possible, don't, let someone else do it.
2] Change majors.
3] Insert/remove blank lines at random spots, re-compile, and excecute.
4] Throw holy water on the terminal.
5] Dial 911 and scream.
6] There is rumour that "printf" is usefull, but this is probably
unfounded.
7] Port everything to CP/M.
8] If it still doesn't work, re-write it in assembler. This won't fix
the bug, but it will make sure no one else finds it and makes you
look bad.

Edit: For the record, this is all too true, especially the debugging. I think I've actually done just about everything on the list :( :D

Q: Why do all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis?
A: Because it's under C level.

*groan*

Awesomely bad! LOL :D

Another one:

A computer without COBOL and Fortran is like a piece of chocolate cake
without ketchup and mustard.

OK this one is a bit perverted but what the hell, I had great fun saying this in my computer classes.

Geek 1: So man how was your date with that biology chick ?
Geek 2: Great, I got to foreplay but then called it a night.
Geek 1: Whoa how did the foreplay work out ?
Geek 2: As easy as manipulating a data-structure, Push the Top and Pop the Stack!

:D

I'm gonna sue you for this one! LOL LOL LOL LOL

Let me C.....computer jokes. We already had them:

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out."
Very well, then, says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better." Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, "B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus' program is intact?

How did he do it?" God chuckles, "Everybody knows...Jesus saves."

i think the old RUn>dos>RUn one is great :D LOL

BAD command or file name. Bad command! VEeeeerrry bad command! Hey! Stay! No bad command! Stay... Staaaayyyyyyy........

...



I never understood what could possibly be funny about that joke.