Okay, I have reached the point post-breakup (totally over him at this point, btw, I've come to realize he was something of a jerk) in which I am meditating on my own approach to relationships. I've been thinking about this for a few days, and discarded the idea of posting a thread a few times...

But I just can't resist anymore! I'm ridiculously curious about outside perspective on the matter.

(also, I'm somewhat tired of the lighter topics, though it was a nice break for a while, after all the heavy discussion topics)

Beware, this will be a tough one, very generalized.

The questions are:

What is love?
What are the different types of love that you feel exist?
How do you recognize between those types?
How do you tell if someone really loves you?
How do you tell if you really love someone else?

Keep in mind, I have my own opinions. I'm just curious to see if anyone has a different perspective based on their own personal experiences. :D

you're asking computer geeks about love? What a brilliant idea! :ok:

I sorta already gave up on that...

@ReamusLQ: I'm a computer geek, too, you know. Being a geek doesn't mean you don't love, or think about love. Besides, I know of a few other people on this forum who would be very interested in discussing the matter (for example, I think Seb has mentioned a few times he enjoys the topic).

If you don't want to discuss it, you don't have to say anything, you know ;)

Edit:

@Danny: Don't give up! It's hard, but I doubt it's impossible. :)

Oh, but I do want to follow.. its fun getting depressed... flip, it isn't, is it? oh well, too late now..
and to be ironic, the song I currently have on is called Flames of Love... my playlist likes being ironic, I have come to believe..
and yes, I do every so often try.. and fail (as usual...)

:blink:

I was hoping for a more enlightening discussion, rather than a depressing one. Let's just wait and see what others have to say before we get too depressed, okay? :D

ah, but this is already enlightening... there is no spam -or- crazy comments (aka spam...)

I can tell u different ways in which u can make love if u want .......:)

Just wait it will come to u.....

I can send you to sites that SHOW you many different ways of making love BUT thats not what this thread is for. :angry:

ON topic please! :ot:

I can send you to sites that SHOW you many different ways of making love BUT thats not what this thread is for. :angry:

ON topic please! :ot: [/b][/quote]
Great sense of humour u got there .........I even put a smiley for people like u to understand that it was a joke......


still i made my point :

Just wait it will come to u

I knew it was a joke... its is you that doesnt have a sense of humour the whole fact i was offering 2 direct you to porn sites was meant to be funny... maybe not for people like you that visit such sites everyday... : :ranting:

Misundesrstanding.....Next time give a hiint that u are joking...

Hmmm...

I am ALWAYS joking....im NEVER serious if i EVER was you would know ;)

Btw... i think were a little :ot:

12 replies already, and except first one all :ot: ..... :eeeeeh:

to ReamusLQ I am a computer geek, and I am in love...:wub: for more than two years :D

to taikara:Interesting questions.I have to think a little about them before I can write my opinions :bye:

so does that mean that my comment about no spam was spam? oh well... time for some topic stuff

I suppose, as my old headteacher said, there are 2 types of love. The type you feel towards your friends and family, and the time you feel towards your.. 'partner'. Maybe you could sub-categorise these even more, but that is about the only thing I have ever quoted my headteacher on..
The rest of those questions, me, I wouldn't know..

I think you shouldn't try to define Love. It's like spam, it's hard to tell what is accounted as spam, but you instantly recognize it :D

It's so much fun to try, though :D

I'm not worried so much about the definition of love, to be honest... but trying to tell if someone loves me, or if I love them... that's a difficulty, and yet, I think, extremely important to my future choices and happiness :)

OK, I've only got about half an hour before it's time to go home, so I'm going to have to summarize. I'll start with this, though: Danny252, you can't give up on love at age 13! Come on! You shouldn't even be worried about that stuff yet! You're in the Golden Age of Gaming - worry about girls in about three years!

There are many kinds of love, but it's fairly obvious that the question concerns everyone's favorite kind, so we'll worry about the love of your parents, love of ice cream, and love of the sound of a Merlin at full throttle at some other time.

What's often referred to (and marketed) as love nowadays is little more than a cheap imitation of it. Yeah, that might make me sound like a crusty old geezer, but it's true. Pop culture would have you believe that love is, well, sex, and that's about it. When you find the right person, you'll both fall madly in love with each other, and all will be sunshine and rainbows until the end of time. If you base your ideas about love on anything you see on TV or in movies, or hear in a popular song, you're not likely to recognize the real thing when it stops by.

Love takes work. It doesn't just happen (that's infatuation and/or lust, not love), and it isn't always easy. You have to make a conscious decision to love someone, and if you're really committed to them, that includes loving them when they've really pissed you off, not running off and looking for the next best thing when something doesn't go right. This is, of course, a two-way street. If the other party is not willing to put forth this kind of effort, guess what: it ain't love, and you're better off dissolving the relationship.

As you may be able to tell, I don't believe in the concept of "soulmates." I think that's an inherently destructive idea that can lead to all sorts of unhealthy perceptions of one's partner and can cause big problems during rough times.

Well, I'm out of time, and I'd rather not hang out at work longer than I have to on a Friday evening. It'll be interesting to see where this thread goes...

I'm a teen, I'm in 'that' phase of my life, but I am sure I haven't loved yet, I'd say it's more like some feelings that pass, I think there's time for love in my life, I'm not worrying over that...
However there's also love of your parents and friends in your life, now that kind of love I have expirienced...

Love for me is a very strng word. I've only ever used it when talking about one person. I am very content right now in the world of love.

Love is when you feel someone there, like they are there for you, and you are comfortable and just feel. It isn't something fancy or up-tight. It is just Love.

:blink: :blink: :blink:

You're 13.


To everyone: I want to know if you can tell the difference between lust and love?

damn, my brain was asleep then and Its still not awake yet...

love is something different to everyone.

it ccould be just holding hands, talking, lying with ur partner in ur arms. it could be the feeling that youve found someoneyou want to share the rest of your life with, r just someone u care about alot.

to me love is anything you want it to be,.

ur 13 mate dnt worry about it, you got about another 25 years before your past it and believe me thats along time.

alot wil happen in the next 3 years of ur life let alone that 20.

YAY FOR FRUIT PIE JONES! I could not have put it better myself.

Love is not just about the fuzzy feelings you get when you are around him or her it is part of it but not even close to all of it.
I think that the Bible (don't snarl!) puts it best in 1 Corinthians 13 v 4 to 8 - New Living translation...

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever...

This is not a law given to us but a measuring stick by which we can judge our love on. If you are prepared to apply all these things to the way you relate to another person then you will know that the love is real and true. Anything less than this is not love but part of it.

This brings me to lust vs love... Simply put - love requires a commitment to the other person for life. This commitment then allows for comfort (read sexual pleasure) to be shared between the two parties. This is great as there is emotional, physical and spiritual protection around the relationship. However lust = comfort without commitment and just leads to emotional draining, ruined lives and a trail of broken hearts.

OK - Schools out! :bye:

You actually quoted the bible on a gaming forum.......glad im an atheist...

Good point tho dont U think or don't athiests fall in love? :D :bleh:

Yes they do but im only 14 and ive only felt lust

I have only felt sympathy, lust, but not true love...
Cant even begin to describe love for you... :(

Now that has got ot be one of the thoughtest questions to answer, but you all know me, I'll make a long and half sensless post about it...

First off I have to say that I think there are only 3 emotions: FEAR, LOVE and HATE. They are all conceted. If you love someone or hate someone enough you'll be able to overcome the fear and do something (either you'll be able to sacrifice your self to save another, or you'll be able to kill your self, just so you'd hurt someone else). But those are extremes now.
So let's talk about love (baby, let's talk about...)
Love is an emotion, but like every emotion it's not eternal! It's everchanging. And even while in love you can feel negative feelings toward the same person as well.
People can love things, ideas, people, themselves,...

When we talk about love towards people it's importaint to know, that not everybody is capable of love. To be able to love, you have to be unselfish enough. Really selfish people (usually also intelectually lower people - IQ betewwn 85-100) put them selves in the first place and can only love something or someone, that pleases them. Apart from that, they lack the capasity for loving another (they also have problems respecting fellow human beings and are usually the main cause of xenophobia, intolerance,...). Yet I said they could love something that pleases them. Unfortunately again they only take their selfish possition and wish to have more and more of that pleasent thing untill they drain it, but can give very little in return.

There is another kind of love, which is unconditional. This is the famous love so emphisised in the human history. Yes, this kind of love exists, but it's exactly this kind of love, that is short lived. No one is flawless, but until you're madly and blindly in love, you don't see that. At that point you create for your self an image of the perfect person, because you wish to attach all the best atributes you can thing of to the person you love. If this is unhapy love and you never come together with that person, then this love is extremely strong (this person didn't show that he/she isn't perfect). If however you are with such a person for a longer time period then you'll see many shortcomings of that person. At the begining you'll admire that person, but will be surprised to see, that person can not melt with you and you can't become one. This means both have their own needs even if very much alike. One wishes to have a romantic evening the other is too tired (this is a classic example). Now the tired one feels the romantic evening as a burden ant the romantic one feelt this is an insoult to the effort. So they start making compromises. At that point the ultimative love starts fading away, because you have to adjust yourself to the needs of another. That's a skill people in the world of today are lacking, thus many fights brake out (maybe people always lacked that skill, but in the past the woman was almost always forced to give in - which was off course wrong).
You still love that person and are prepared to move mountains for him/her, but not to move your own arse while watching your favourite TV show (with only five more minutes till the end, and that person asks you for a srecwdriver/kitchen utility - that is needed at that very moment - you can't keep the wires apart for five more minutes, or you can't hold the boiling pot in your hand for five more minuter - so you do it yourself somehow and resent the incapability of the other to help you).

Then there is the love for the family (which is based on respect and being used to the same people). If a child is taken away from the mother and they meet 20 years later - without knowing who the other one is - they won't feel any love (although biologically they are still a parent and a child). On the other hand children can get attached to their forster parents just as much (sometimes even more) then to their real parents. There's also the category of syblings - there love can be measured in miles the more between them - the bigger the love LOL ).

But I think that the sentance: "You still love that person and are prepared to move mountains for him/her, but not to move your own arse while watching your favourite TV show," really said it all. After a while this is what happens and then you have to start changing (it's all a part of growing up). You need to adjust your self to a frequency that is compatible with the significant other - who also adjusts to that frewuency. If that isn't possible the relationship has to end (otherwise both would just suffer and hold on because of the feeling they used to have and an image of a person that's not real). Also it's importaint that both make this adjustment, otherwise one is in a submisive position. However I must say, that a relationship with one person being subordinate to another could also work - but I'm agains unequality.

If I've been unclear at any (or all) points feel free to ask anything (either in the thread or through PM).

Ehm....WOW BIG!!! OMG
I dont agree very much that intelectually lower people are more selfish.i have met selfish and VERY intelligent people and opposites quite frequently.I think it has much more to do with empathy.(isnt there something like EQ(emphaty/emotion qocient??Or it is just me? :tomato: )
Also what about patriotism? I dont know if you would definate it as love,but for me there is a love to nation/idealogy.(mostly "ultimate" love,when they dont see possible flaws,their object have)

As far as opinions go, I'm with Fruit Pie Jones and Classic Pig. I suppose that also has to do with the age thing, as theirs is closer to my own...
And confusing lust with love is a very common mistake, especially when you feel...in need. :whistle: It has happened to me in the past...

What I wanted to say is that both selfish and intelectually lower people (they are not the same group - and I realize that's generalizing, so yes - there ARE EXEPTIONS).

Patriotism isn't really love, but it falls in the category I've mentioned, but haven't talked about much. I said you can love an idea.
The thing is, that you are brought up in a certain sence and with certain values, so if your dedication is strong enough you'll keep pushing your values forward. An attack on those values would at the same time be a personal attack on your self and you'd react. Also at that point you'd find every person who shows that your country has flaws as your personal enemy. If you're a patriot you identify yourself with your country and you put the country in the posisiton where you only attach the positive adjectives to it (just like with the person you love and don't wanna see any flaw that person has).

High folks :bye:

1. I think "Patriotism" can be love to your country, but normally it is used to defend
the country or even to start war to another. (only for self protection..of course)
In Germany we called it "National Socialism" for a couple of time. <_<

2. sth to love from person to person:

Love is

not to change a cottage with a palast
forget about mistakes and bad attributes with a smile
and devotion without hesitation
(from book :whistle: )

3. love is totally different to sexual greed :D

I think its sad that most people just want a girlfriend to show off
or to take part of sexual talking
(respect is where its all about :blink: )

Anyway this is just one part of the Love

"I think love is in everything"

It just depends to you to find it :bye:

@ taikira

I love your avatar :wub:

Do you think she would marry my flip grasshopper LOL

Bye :bye: Bye

I couldn't agree more :ok:

I think that people who search for love, never really find it, then there are people who are in love but don't really know it...
My opinion is that there are a few people that are sure that they are in love...
But that's good because love isn't something that you can produce, it just hits you...
At least from my point of view, or that's how I imagine it...

I realize, Sebatianos, that ALL of your posts have a deep meaning and a very good point to them.

Sadly, I have not read one that is over 3 paragraphs long.

I am not complaining in any way about the length of your posts. In fact, it is wonderful that you have so much to say about such a wide variety of subjects.

Just don't expect most people to read them :tomato:
-Erik



The difference between Love and lust is that lust is a purely physical idea, while love is both physical and mental.
-K

@ tulac

who searches finds

the question is what LOL

normally you get sth you are not looking for.... :whistle: :angel:

@ sebastianos

thanks for the flowers :wub:

Bye :bye: Bye

wow, a topic Im constantly reading yet not replying to..
You guys are really great when it comes to discussions like this..
-reads-

@FPJ: I must once again state for the record (though not through Tom this time) that you are my hero! :kosta:

It's nice to see that not all Americans think in terms of sex, that's so depressing for me.

@ClassicPig: Kudos to you, too for the thoughtful post!

@Sebatianos: I agree, but I tend to think that "unconditional" love is more like the love that allows you to forgive people even when they hurt you, rather than being a "Romeo and Juliet" moving mountains sort of love.

@Schabernakel-anbeter: Respect is key, imho. Not sure about the marriage thing, I think he'd have to talk to her first ;)

Now that a few people have responded, I'm going to try to summarize my feelings...

I tend to agree most with FPJ (which is why he's my hero, I guess, hehe). I think love isn't so much a state of being as it is an action, something that you must always strive to express. I think you do choose who you love, more than you don't. Of course, you can't just choose to love someone randomly (well, you could, but that would be strange :blink:), so I think that attraction plays a key as well, whether it be mental attraction or physical attraction.

I personally don't function in terms of physical attraction... I get a mental attraction way faster than I will think of someone as physically attractive, and so I think I sometimes confuse a what should probably stay as a friendly love with what I want for a romantic one, because that's what I find attractive.

Respect, also is HUGE for me in love. I cannot stress it enough. It's one thing to be comfortable with someone, but to be so "comfortable" that you fundamentally disrespect the person is something I find unacceptable. It's more like taking them for granted than true comfortableness.

I think it's an exercise in futility to try and pin this stuff down; it's something so entirely subjective that you can't compare one person's love to another's. On the other hand, I'm no expert on the matter (if anyone is), so feel free to disregard anything I say (come to think of it, that applies most of the time...)

Interesting point, but I don't think forgiveness is connected with love. You may forgive anyone - without loving them. It's a quality you have, not a quality that someone else can trigger in you. It's often even more difficoult to forgive someone whom you love. You can ignore a mistake or get over it, but it's difficoult to really forgive and not feel resentful.
When you forgive a stranger, you had no image of that person being almost angelicly perfect. When you need to forgive the one you love, you are able to forgive what has happened, but can never rebuild the exact picture of that person being perfect. So you start resenting the fact, that that pesron has destroyed your inllusion. I guess when in love people have too high expectations (from the other person, and from themselves). So without respect (as others have mentioned) love isn't worth that much. If you also respect that person, you might be able to clear away all misunderstandings when that affectenate strong first love fades away.

Uhh... I don't know about you, Seb, but I don't really see anyone as "angelically perfect." Not even someone I view in a romantic fashion. :blink:

That would just be absolutely and totally unfair to anyone.

Actually, I tend to appreciate the combination of a person's flaws and strengths together much more than I would appreciate anyone who seemed perfect. Someone who seemed perfect would just scare me. I would tend to wonder what they were hiding ;)

But, to clarify, since I think you misunderstood me, I don't see unconditional love as a romantic thing. I see romantic love as a romantic thing.

Unconditional love is what I try my best to offer anyone, be it my boyfriend, my best friend, or the guy down the street I don't know. It's harder for me to do that when I don't know the person than when I do, actually. Keep in mind, I see love as an action, not a state of being. Forgiveness is an action of love for me, even towards someone I don't know.

Basically, if someone is willing to give me the benefit of the doubt by trying to communicate with me regarding an offense or misunderstanding, stranger, friend, or lover, I do the same for them. I forgive them.

And even if they don't try, I tend to forget about it anyway, and just do my best to empathize without understanding their point of view.

I don't see anyone as perfect, but I sure do prefer to see the best in people... :D

@ taikara

hmm he understands... :cry:

she might be predjudiced about insects LOL

he tried to speek to her but she didnt speek insect language :drool:

and

love is a flowing band of energy which is in everything...try to imagine

however i think it cant be explained with words really

like an orgasm, feels good but how would you discribe it.... D:)

Edit: Just want to say yet: A good way to forgive people is, to imagine them as
little children, that they still are, just doing grown up stuff.
Actually they dont know really what they are doing :ok:

Bye :bye: Bye

Sadly I had to write an essay on this subject for English but in the context of Romeo and Juliet, can't stand it myself but perhaps I'm not mature and romantic (I'm only 16 gimme a break) enough to understand the things they went through.

There's about 4 which I covered

Platonic love: love for friends, the whole "he's my mate and I want the best for him" type of love.
Parental love: pretty much speaks for itself but thats the "I won't let anything happen to my son/daughter/mother/father" kind of love
Romeo and Juliet love: I can't remember what I called it now but that's the "let me compare you to a summer's day" kind of love.
Patriotism: Love for your country, most found during wartime the "dolce et decorum est pro patria mori (It is a sweet and good thing to die for your country)" kind of love.

There might have been more but I can't remember, I agree about the modern view of love, stupid music videos and MTV they'll be the downfall of civilisation.

Interesting thread.
I'll try to describe my opinion....

There is no "one love", and there is no-one that is the "only one". I've been in love with two men. I've had strong (really strong) feelings towards others, but didn't feel this love.

Love is when you don't give a damn about the person's flaws, you want ALL the best for the person, and you want to be with her/him all the time. If you've had a crappy day, you should want to meet this person, and just seeing her/him makes it all better, even just hearing the voice. When you would do anything in the world, just making that person feel better. If she/he feels bad, you feel bad. You would fight any army, alone, just to make her/him happy. Being away from that person is aweful.

Lust, on the other hand, is just the desire for the body / sex. You actually can be in a relationship without sex. Believe it or not :eeeeeh:
If you're in love, it doesn't matter. Sex is just a good addition, one could say.
But sadly, I've seen many couples "hanging on", just because of the sex. Maybe they have NOTHING in common anymore, besides the lust and being horny. I find it really sad when it happens...
That's just lust. Or habit.


I hope I make sense... :ph34r:

Well, ain't that funny? Just yesterday I would've told you how love is THE most precious thing in life, how it lifts your spirit higher, how it makes you see the world with different eyes and how it makes you a better overall-person.

Instead today I just can say: F*ck it.

I'll just be quick and deep, as usual :)

Love is something that no-one really knows what is, yet everyone is constantly seeking. Then at the time you are ready to give up, you notice that it has been with you all the time.

Strange thing, love.

*Takes a bow, and leaves the scene*

you put that message in this thread? I see why Im no longer spamking here..
anyway, you guys are grreeeat at this! *reads*
-edit: oh, guess the previous post was deleted-

Definition: "Love" is making a shot to the knees of a target 120 kilometers away using an Aratech sniper rifle with a tri-light scope.

Now that I can express my real feelings.... (My g/f is gone)
Love is non-existant. Nobody anywhere feels love of any sort. Love is a false sense of security, derived from a delusional mind thinking that someone else cares for them. Listen to Pink Floyd The Wall and you'll know what I am talking about.

Bulls*it. :whistle:

Phht how would you know? The only ones that truly know are the ones that have had their eyes opened to the cruelty and pain of the world.
*snickers*
Conformists


Don't you guys love candy?

Who doesnt? :blink:

No no no, it was a pun. "*snickers*" ? LOL LOL

Hee hee, oh who am I kidding - I dont get it... :cry:

Snickers Candy Bars. Maybe you don't have them in Scorpion's Lair LOL

We have actually... :whistle:
I said it on purpose, so you'd answer, silly... LOL

*Shakes head*
Weirdo :bleh:

Troop18546 aim's at Yobor's face. :sniper: and shoots...

Again a nice demonstration on how to ruin a thread with spam.


Thank you troop18546 and Yobor!