due to a small but fatal design flaw, he failed to include a GPS system on board, then lent it to his idiot son who wanted to try and pick up girls ("Hey, you wanna see something massive?") and managed to get slapped so hard he became disoriented and couldn't find the ark again.

When picking up girls, it's important to remember not only to lift with your knees rather than your back, but also...

cheese can cause arks to rust

rusty cheese is bad because

...it's a lot harder to spread.

A good butter knife can save your life if...

.. you need to get rid of a three-headed squirrel.

You need to get past a three-headed squirrel if ...

It's stolen your cheese rake and you need your slices to be nice and uniform.

Unlike Cerberus, a three-headed squirrel isn't that scary because...

It cannot remove your head in a few seconds.

It does not wish to do this because..

it's just a peaceloving threeheaded squirrel...

you're a squirrel if...

You eat nuts held in both hands, occasionally looking around with a "Did I leave the oven on?" look on your face.

One way to check whether you left the oven on is...

see if your house is on fire.

You can hack your friends computer by...

setting his oven on fire and trying to work out his password

you don't know his password because